Real Love Requires the Right Kind of Hate

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26 ESV). 

In a world already filled with anger, do we really need Scripture seemingly urging us to hate our family? Isn’t there already enough hatred around us? And now, if I follow Jesus, must I also hate my family?

Can’t we gloss over verses like this? How can Scripture advocate hate and still be considered good? And doesn’t this contradict the Bible’s overarching message of love? 

As the youngest of three boys, it wasn’t difficult for me to “hate” my brothers. Their constant teasing and tormenting seemed to justify my animosity. I even thought I was obeying Jesus’ command—until I realized I completely misunderstood His words.

Jesus’ statement that we should hate our family isn’t a call to hostility, but a challenge to prioritize our love. 

He reaffirmed the Great Commandment: to love God with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matthew 22:36-40). He also expanded love’s reach: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” If that weren’t enough, He commanded, “Love your enemies, and do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27).  

 So how do we reconcile His command to love with His statement about hating our family and even ourselves? 

At first glance, Jesus’ words in Luke 14:26 sound harsh, even contradictory. But Jesus isn’t confused, nor is He contradicting the Law, which He consistently upheld. Rather, He is making a bold point: our love for Him must surpass all other affections, even for family and self. 

To truly love God, we must also hate evil. As Psalm 97:10 reminds us, “O you who love the Lord, hate evil!” Love and hate are not always opposites; sometimes, they coexist. Proverbs reinforces this: “The fear [reverence] of the Lord is hatred of evil.” 

God’s love has boundaries—truth, righteousness, and discipline. It is not a vague, open-ended emotion but a commitment to His standards. 

As a child, I misinterpreted Jesus’ words to justify my resentment toward my brothers. But His message was never a license for hate—it was an invitation to realign my values with His. 

Loyalty to Jesus must come before our loyalty to family—or life itself. 

Reflect 

• What does it mean to prioritize Christ above all—even family and personal desires?
• How can understanding the contrast between “love” and “hate” in this passage help you align your values with God’s standards?
• How might aligning your values with God’s standards strengthen your relationships with family rather than diminish them?